A.D.
05-20-2008, 09:37AM
I hate working out. It bores me. I realize it’s my fault. I should hire a trainer and do it right. At 155 pounds, Mother Nature blessed me with a “Get Out of Workout Jail Free” card. Still, I know physical activity is a good thing. Let me share my list of exercise programs and why I avoid them whenever possible.
• Walking. This very pleasant activity is often ruined by a black pug dog in my neighborhood that thinks it’s a rottweiler. I feed him a couple Snausage dog treats as a bribe to let me cross his domain without being attacked. I can tell he sees my skinny legs and thinks “chew sticks!”
• Yoga. Great workout. Harder than it appears. After three faithful years of “tree pose” and “downward dog,” I gave it up after succumbing to the fears that my aging body would someday become locked in some freaky-looking pretzel pose and I might never be heard from again. I do miss the Yanni music played while doing my yoga routines.
• Helping people move. Here’s another good workout. After my four moves in the past decade plus a few years with an ever-moving college-aged kid, I’ve bought my share of strapping tape from U-Haul. The downside: I’ve had two minor mishaps while backing up rental trucks. I crunched a guy’s Hyundai in Cambridge and backed over a $600 lamp post next to my driveway. Imagine the havoc I could wreak behind the wheel of an 18-wheeler.
• Snow shoveling. I killed my back this winter. Then I bought a snow blower, and it didn’t snow any more. Then I killed my back again last month moving the blower to get at my lawnmower.
• Mulching. As you read this, I am still pulling bits of bark mulch from my hair after a week of shoveling the stuff into my shrubbery beds. My knees hurt from pulling weeds, and I’m feeling guilty for displacing several female spider carrying egg sacks as I piled a couple inches of fresh mulch on top of their little love shacks.
• Vacuuming the house. With nine rooms and 2,600 square feet, it takes a good half-hour to suck up the grime from our carpets and floors. But that’s only once a week. OK, twice a month. Alright! Once a month. I burn enough calories to cover the Snickers bar I eat, which is my official warm-up routine for vacuuming.
• Recumbent bike. I like this thing. It tells me how fast I’m going, how far I ride and how many calories I’ve burned. Since I’m a stats geek, the workout tedium is forgotten while I watch the digital panel tell me how good I’m doing. After several months of intense 30-minute bike rides, my lower body looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger. From the waist up, I still resemble Nicole Richie.
I guess it’s time to convert my Bowflex from clothes tree to workout system. I’ll get to that tomorrow.
source nashau telegraph (http://www.nashuatelegraph.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080520/COLUMNISTS26/26312832/-1/style)
• Walking. This very pleasant activity is often ruined by a black pug dog in my neighborhood that thinks it’s a rottweiler. I feed him a couple Snausage dog treats as a bribe to let me cross his domain without being attacked. I can tell he sees my skinny legs and thinks “chew sticks!”
• Yoga. Great workout. Harder than it appears. After three faithful years of “tree pose” and “downward dog,” I gave it up after succumbing to the fears that my aging body would someday become locked in some freaky-looking pretzel pose and I might never be heard from again. I do miss the Yanni music played while doing my yoga routines.
• Helping people move. Here’s another good workout. After my four moves in the past decade plus a few years with an ever-moving college-aged kid, I’ve bought my share of strapping tape from U-Haul. The downside: I’ve had two minor mishaps while backing up rental trucks. I crunched a guy’s Hyundai in Cambridge and backed over a $600 lamp post next to my driveway. Imagine the havoc I could wreak behind the wheel of an 18-wheeler.
• Snow shoveling. I killed my back this winter. Then I bought a snow blower, and it didn’t snow any more. Then I killed my back again last month moving the blower to get at my lawnmower.
• Mulching. As you read this, I am still pulling bits of bark mulch from my hair after a week of shoveling the stuff into my shrubbery beds. My knees hurt from pulling weeds, and I’m feeling guilty for displacing several female spider carrying egg sacks as I piled a couple inches of fresh mulch on top of their little love shacks.
• Vacuuming the house. With nine rooms and 2,600 square feet, it takes a good half-hour to suck up the grime from our carpets and floors. But that’s only once a week. OK, twice a month. Alright! Once a month. I burn enough calories to cover the Snickers bar I eat, which is my official warm-up routine for vacuuming.
• Recumbent bike. I like this thing. It tells me how fast I’m going, how far I ride and how many calories I’ve burned. Since I’m a stats geek, the workout tedium is forgotten while I watch the digital panel tell me how good I’m doing. After several months of intense 30-minute bike rides, my lower body looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger. From the waist up, I still resemble Nicole Richie.
I guess it’s time to convert my Bowflex from clothes tree to workout system. I’ll get to that tomorrow.
source nashau telegraph (http://www.nashuatelegraph.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080520/COLUMNISTS26/26312832/-1/style)